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11.30.2005

Phone a Friend

After seeing Dancer in the Dark with
one of my friends, I asked her which
she would prefer to be if she actually
had a choice: deaf or blind.




Without hesitation, she said she would rather be deaf. The thought of not being able to see where she was going and what she was doing seemed much worse to her than not being able to hear the sounds. Even worse, she felt, was the prospect of not being able to sink her stare into the glorious scenes and wonders of the world.

It was strange that I didn't spend any time pondering my preference either; the only difference is that I would choose to be blind. Absolutely. The song I've Seen it All from the soundtrack illustrates the reasoning behind my decision perfectly. If I haven't already seen it in person, than I've seen it in pictures. But waking up everyday hearing nothing but silence would slowly crush the life right out of me.

Most of the people I work with, I've never actually met. I talk to them on the phone regularly, and it's amazing how relationships can transpire through the sound of two human voices.

Today I learned one of my clients passed away. He was always very to the point on the phone. The only time he ever elaborated on a subject other than the business at hand was in our last conversation. Very matter of factly, he expressed great appreciation for our organization's services. He was so blunt and very well spoken. At the time, I was surprised to hear him say so much. Now I realize he somehow knew that was the last conversation we would have and he simply told me what he felt I needed to know.

There is so much sound I have yet to experience.

Maybe most importantly is learning the ability to hear what the silence is actually whispering among the sounds.

photo by: LL
:: posted by chumpsrock, 2:21 AM | link | 2 comments |


11.28.2005

Play in Work World, Live in Spare Time

With the onset of Winter weather,
we'll shop 'til we drop and spend 'til
the year's end.







An eight hour drive back to New York reinstates where I left off last Wednesday. I'm young, but I feel tired. It's time for bed, but I know I won't be able to sleep for a few hours. Somehow, staying up and translating my thoughts into words consumes me.

I haven't decided if I'm calling in sick tomorrow. I've had a few days off, but I'm not ready to go back. Not yet. This holiday has only made me feel more comfortable in my preferred wardrobe, and I know Monday is the first of five consecutive days wearing clothes I hate to work a job I'm very good at no matter what fashion statement I'm making.

Lately I'm feeling like a half-friend. Not entirely available. Not practicing enough effort. This web log fills a void for me: my need to den.

The alarm is set for 6 a.m.

One more cigarette, and then it's off to bed. I know I'll lie there blinking, thinking and rehearsing my verbal presentation via voicemail which will result in my calling in sick (of work) seven hours from now.

photo by: LL
:: posted by chumpsrock, 3:04 AM | link | 1 comments |


11.27.2005

Seamless

Today we head home.

We spent Friday in a fabric store in Maine,
and for a minute I thought I was in
New York again. Too many people in
one place searching for the perfect excuse
to spend money.

Immediately following a short time of
togetherness and family, it's comforting to
know we finally have a name for the holiday
when we all come to our senses: Black Friday.

photo by: LL
:: posted by chumpsrock, 9:33 PM | link | 1 comments |


11.21.2005

Thankful 3 Times Over

I have one sibling and two parents.

The first time, I was very young.







When she fell over the side of the dock into the water, I was introduced to the feeling of helplessness. She was only three years old, but she had taken one or two swimming lessons which increased her chances of surviving by 100%. Even though she was mostly under water, she never lost her focus. Neither of us blinked while we maintained eye contact, and she managed to gulp a gasp of air every time and again. To this day I still don't know if she could hear me screaming her name over and over until our mother came running from the farthest point within earshot. I was only six, and I didn't know what else to do. Mom surged into the water and scooped her up, but I still felt like a failure. I thought I should have been able to save her. The water was just too deep and I didn't jump in. After we all had a chance to catch our breath, Mom explained to me what had really happened; I saved my sister's life.

The second time was in the midst of laughter. Believe it or not my mother knows the answer to every question I've ever asked her. Luckily, I witnessed the one moment she was actually stifled. She was choking, and she told me if I wasn't there to perform the Heimlich maneuver she wouldn't have known how to save herself.

The third time, my father had hiked five months to arrive in my neighboring town. He was on the last leg of the Appilation Mountain Trail when I picked him up from the trailhead with intent to provide a little bit of hospitality. At some point, he casually noted a rash on his arm. He showed me the faint circle of red and I strongly suggested he get it checked out. It didn't irritate him too much, and he was five months into his six-month journey; the last thing he wanted to do was go to a hospital. I insisted, and for some reason he complied. It turned out to be Lyme Disease, which when left untreated (for another month) can result in chronic arthritis and nerve and heart damage.

I am very much looking forward to spending another Thanksgiving with my family. Every year it's different.

photo by: LL
:: posted by chumpsrock, 7:42 PM | link | 1 comments |


11.19.2005

How Much is Too Much?

At some point you have to know
when you've had enough.
This is true for everything -
every vice as well as every necessity.






Which are the habits to break and which are the habits to utilize?

I'd like to apply this concept to money. I've been dreaming of the day I can implement automatic bill-pay. But that day is far away considering the alternatives: loans, credit cards, and installment negotiations that will forever prevent me from catching up with myself financially. How are we supposed to keep up? I graduated from college & it was just as expensive as it was unbelievable to find out my degree isn't trendy enough for the times. I quickly learned that if I'm interested in making more than $40 grand a year, I need to shell out another $70,000 to get a different piece of paper which quantifies me a Master graduate. That ain't chump-change, especially considering most of us are already in the negative.

Freedom is the premise of this great nation - but what would this country (and the world) be like if money was somehow regulated? What would happen to the economy if income potential was capped at $10,000,000? Isn't that enough? What could anyone possibly want that exceeds $10 million?

With the country's deficit in the $trillions, it's difficult to apprehend the value of a dollar let alone a cool $million. Us taxpayers get to witness an ongoing accumulation of debt that exceeds comprehension; how long do you think it would take to count to 1,000,000,000,000? In my lifetime, minimum wage has increased by $4.50 an hour, while this country's debt has gone from $millions to $billions to $trillions. Where is this money coming from? We're all paying for it, but somehow being in this much debt doesn't feel real. It feels like the people we've elected to make major financial decisions for our nation are playing with Monopoly money; pay attention, folks, this is a great pun.

photo by: ML
:: posted by chumpsrock, 10:39 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.17.2005

1 Marisol

There is 1 Marisol who, even with the slightest perusal of her eloquence,
reserves a place in our hearts.

:: posted by chumpsrock, 8:03 PM | link | 1 comments |


11.15.2005

Extraterrestrial

Without a doubt, there are
life forms that exist in other
solar systems.







How do I know this? To put it simply, the inhabitants of planet Earth don't know enough to verify otherwise.

Try to imagine what the ultimate technological advancements will be for the human species. Maybe someday we'll start installing our cell phone/iPods directly into our ears. And maybe parents will opt to have identity chips injected into their newborns so they'll be able to find their children in the event of a kidnapping. And maybe the benefits of maintaining a healthy body weight will become so important, we'll figure out a way to nourish ourselves via pills alone.

Sometimes I feel we're working at great lengths to attain a common goal that has yet to be defined. Apparently, everyone agrees that if we send a few people out to bounce around on the moon, that's significant progress... which leads to what? Being able to fly at the speed of light? Maybe. I don't know - but who does?

At this point, plastic surgery is considered to be the next best thing to drinking from the 'fountain of youth' which, I guess we're all thirsty for?

If evolution really is the survival of the fittest, at some point form & function will unite. Have you noticed that our depiction of any given alien looks exactly like our depiction of any other given alien? Big brains that think big thoughts. Super-skinny bodies that do whatever needs to be done. No ears because telepathy is actually attained through sound chips installed at birth. Enormous blinkless eyes that witness and record everything ever seen.

What exactly are we striving for?

photo by: LL
:: posted by chumpsrock, 9:16 PM | link | 2 comments |


11.14.2005

Countdown

Week after week, I decide I don't want
to live my life monitoring how many
days are left 'til the weak end.







Today on the subway, I saw a young man reading a book called The Theology of Time. That's not the funny part (...and at 0200 hours, God created man.) This gent was wearing a Band-Aid in the center of his forehead that covered what some would believe to be the location of his third eye. (Cue: Laughter)

A long 'time' ago... I decided I don't believe in time. It's simply a form of communication used either to plan for a future event or to reflect on and record what has happened in the past. Other than that, the whole notion of 'time' just doesn't make any sense to me. C'mon... daylight savings time? OK everybody - on Saturday, midnight will suddenly become 1 a.m. Clearly we can manipulate time to be whatever we want it to be. Let's be honest, if time were real wouldn't animals be wearing watches?

Ask an inmate how long s/he's been in jail, and I bet s/he could tell you to the minute. I'm not much of a movie buff, but there was a line in Flight of the Phoenix that caught my attention, "Ultimately, humans want one thing in life... to be loved. And if you can't give them love, give them a reason to hope. And if you can't give them hope, than for God's sake, give them something to do." (This quote may not be exact, but it's close.)

Almost everyday I think about people in jail. They are there for a reason. They got caught making a stupid decison the rest of us deem unfit for forgiveness. Who knows what it's like behind those bars? Were these people ever loved? Did they ever have hope? I guess society will sleep tonight knowing these inmates have something to do... they're counting the minutes.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 10:53 PM | link | 2 comments |


11.13.2005

HeartBeat Gets Defibrillated

As soon as I attempted to liven up the look of my website, I realized I needed the help of a Professional. My weblog guru, Miss Hag. referred me to Girlie Bits designs - and to say the least, this Girlie brought my website to life. The ideas I conveyed to her over email were so vague, and somehow she pieced my chicken scratch together and came up with this incredible layout. A big thanks to Girlie Bits - an amazingly versatile talent. She'll show you what you're thinking before the thought even reaches your brain.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:13 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.08.2005

What You Don't Know, Hurts

Thanksgiving is in two weeks. It's my favorite holiday because it brings people together without the pressures of gift-giving. I could care less about stuffing my face full of gravied turkey.






Our family will come together in New England, and for me, this picture is the view from home. It hasn't always been home; but supposedly, "home is where the heart is."

I read an article in The Economist dated June 11, 2005 entitled 'Africa's Unmended Heart.' A fight for power leaves occupants of Congo struggling to stay afloat in a sea of violence. "...[T]he atrocities in eastern Congo are shocking. Zainabo Alfani, for example, was stopped by men in uniform on a road in Ituri last year. She and 13 other women were ordered to strip, to see if they had long vaginal lips, which the gunmen believed would have magical properties. The 13 others did not, and were killed on the spot. Zainabo did. The gunmen cut them off and then gang-raped her. Then they cooked and ate her two daughters in front of her. They also ate chunks of Zainabo's flesh. She escaped, but had contracted HIV. She told her story to the UN in February, and died in March."

Somehow, this woman conjured the strength to live long enough to tell her story. It makes me wonder how many untold stories there are... in Congo.

Presuming Zainabo was close to her home when this happened, I can only hope she was reunited with her heart when she died.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:10 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.07.2005

Juxtaposed

A real life miracle first-born being held by his post-partem depressed mother. A bride tossing a bouquet of flowers made of metal. A tree in Autumn housing leaves of firey red on one branch and neon yellow on another. Icy air battling a scarf warmed by neck blood. And we're left wondering, what's to come?




In this light, I encourage you to embody your ultimate counter-example. Feel the fabric that makes your teeth grit. Smile (genuinely) at the person who irks you the most. Embrace the smell of another's fart. Give your least favorite music genre authentic audible attention. Eat what you find most distasteful. And lastly, do what you've always told yourself you couldn't.

It's in you. Every capacity you can imagine is within your grasp. Take hold, or perish knowing you just couldn't be bothered.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:08 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.06.2005

"Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself" - Beastie Boys

This year, for some strange reason, Autumn in New York was postponed until November. What an amazing weekend. The leaves are so spectacular and every year I'm reminded why this is my favorite season.


Essentially, it's all about death - brilliantly beautiful death.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:06 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.03.2005

The Skinny

The last time I was in really good shape, I was in high school. That's pretty pathetic.

I've never been overweight, but after I met my huzby our favorite pastime consisted of driving around, which didn't sit too well with my body - especially in addition to occupying a chair for 40 hours a week at work.


It's time to put an end to this madness. I want to feel really good about myself. I want to be addicted to exercise, blood flow, fresh air & visual groping.

Not only will I feel better, I'm curious where this new look will take me. I'm interested in making more money, and I'd like to test the completely superficial potential of aesthetics. Ultimately, it would be playing the same stupid game, but I'd have my health & I'm positive I could at least double my income.

Who said anything about being on a diet?
I'm enhancing my resume.
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:04 PM | link | 0 comments |


11.01.2005

The History of Histories

In retrospect, destiny is the irreversbile outcome, but at the same time, each decision made in every given moment ultimately determines history. The pursuit of our own free will simultaneously becomes what was 'meant to be.'





When I was 9 years old, my mother brought me to the doctor because I wasn't feeling well, and I was immediately hospitalized for two weeks (during Christmas) because, as it turned out, I had Cat Scratch Fever. This illness may strike a chord because there is an infamous rock song with the same name. On the one hand, I am proud that the only time I've ever been hospitalized had such a hardcore diagnoses; however, if the situation was left to my own volition, I don't know that I would be alive today to tell the tale.

My morale has never left me in complete agreement with Western medicine. To this day, I am convinced that Western medicine is more of a business than a miracle. The idea that people might regularly visit a therapist in an effort to nourish the positive facets of life plagues me.

But if there wasn't a law that deems my parents responsible for my decisions before I'm 'mature' enough to make my own, I shudder to think that there might be a life as we know it without Heart Beat (the blog you're reading right now.)

My college housemate/devil's advocate asked me a simple question: "So, if you're in a car accident and your choices are: a blood transfusion or death, does that mean you'll choose death because it's your 'destiny?'"

How you say: Fit to be tied?
:: posted by chumpsrock, 12:02 PM | link | 4 comments |