5.30.2007
What it Means to be 'Happy'
Is it a decision? Is that the point?
You decide and that's it?
When I was in college, I had a few "profound" moments. One of which was the idea that no matter what happens you can always "hang out"—the beauty is that it always applies. . . unless, you don't have the time. In college, I knew I could skip class and still graduate. In life, I know I can't skip work—not until I live to see the day I don't need a paycheck.
F*ck! I'm supposed to be "deciding" to be happy and I got side-tracked again.
I have to go to bed.
photo by: LL
You decide and that's it?
When I was in college, I had a few "profound" moments. One of which was the idea that no matter what happens you can always "hang out"—the beauty is that it always applies. . . unless, you don't have the time. In college, I knew I could skip class and still graduate. In life, I know I can't skip work—not until I live to see the day I don't need a paycheck.
F*ck! I'm supposed to be "deciding" to be happy and I got side-tracked again.
I have to go to bed.
photo by: LL
5.19.2007
Turned Around
I've been thinking . . . and thinking . . . and thinking . . . and I realized I'm tired of wondering, pondering, daydreaming and hypothesizing. But I can't stop. I'm addicted.
As much as I think about how much I would benefit from not thinking, I can't help fantasizing. I wonder what it would be like to have a garden and cook dinner with the fruits of my labor. I wonder what it would be like to be paid lot of money for my personal insight. I wonder what it would be like if I were an architect or an auto mechanic. Better still, I wonder what it would be like to race pickup trucks.
Of course, I still wonder what it would be like to pursue my youthful dream of being a chik (notice this is not the same spelling as the term for a young chicken) drummer. I'd be Ms.-drunk-a-lot, and I'd have lots of memerable conversations I couldn't recall. I guess dreams change over time. Or perhaps I realized my dream didn't turn out exactly how I planned, and I learned to choose a different dream.
But I like to think that my dream found me. I like to think that all that is was meant to be. Maybe that's apathetic, but maybe it's exactly that kind of thinking that keeps me feeling youthful. The only thing I know for sure is that I haven't decided. I'm not in any hurry. I could ponder this until the day I meet my urn.
And no, that's not morbid—it's realistic.
photo by: LL
As much as I think about how much I would benefit from not thinking, I can't help fantasizing. I wonder what it would be like to have a garden and cook dinner with the fruits of my labor. I wonder what it would be like to be paid lot of money for my personal insight. I wonder what it would be like if I were an architect or an auto mechanic. Better still, I wonder what it would be like to race pickup trucks.
Of course, I still wonder what it would be like to pursue my youthful dream of being a chik (notice this is not the same spelling as the term for a young chicken) drummer. I'd be Ms.-drunk-a-lot, and I'd have lots of memerable conversations I couldn't recall. I guess dreams change over time. Or perhaps I realized my dream didn't turn out exactly how I planned, and I learned to choose a different dream.
But I like to think that my dream found me. I like to think that all that is was meant to be. Maybe that's apathetic, but maybe it's exactly that kind of thinking that keeps me feeling youthful. The only thing I know for sure is that I haven't decided. I'm not in any hurry. I could ponder this until the day I meet my urn.
And no, that's not morbid—it's realistic.
photo by: LL
5.04.2007
I Didn't Get the Memo
Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I feel like everyone knows something I don't.Where have I been? Or more importantly, is there an underlying message I'm not understanding? Moments of complete understanding are quickly brushed out of the way to reveal moments of ultimate uncer-taint-y.
Speaking of 'taint,' I'm finding myself spending time finding the definition online: "[The word] taint. . .has no basis in medical terminology and is most often considered lewd and mildly obscene." - answers.com
I love it. It's not just a part of the body. It's a "lewd" part of the body.
Getting back to the point, I periodically forget that everyone's really in it for themselves. I guess I should clairify. I actually believe that everyone should be in it for themselves; however, the application of this notion in reality is completely different from my concept of the application. I've got this strange idea in my head that we have the capability to be in it for ourselves in a way that mutually benefits everyone. Why are we constantly looking for something to fight about? We humans are all comprised of the same genus species—why haven't we tried working together?
I guess I didn't get the memo.
photo by: LL
Speaking of 'taint,' I'm finding myself spending time finding the definition online: "[The word] taint. . .has no basis in medical terminology and is most often considered lewd and mildly obscene." - answers.com
I love it. It's not just a part of the body. It's a "lewd" part of the body.
Getting back to the point, I periodically forget that everyone's really in it for themselves. I guess I should clairify. I actually believe that everyone should be in it for themselves; however, the application of this notion in reality is completely different from my concept of the application. I've got this strange idea in my head that we have the capability to be in it for ourselves in a way that mutually benefits everyone. Why are we constantly looking for something to fight about? We humans are all comprised of the same genus species—why haven't we tried working together?
I guess I didn't get the memo.
photo by: LL
